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Where Should We Begin? · May 6, 2024 · 53m
The One Who Stays and the One Who Goes
It began as a passionate affair and ended two marriages. Now they're together, trying to build trust on a foundation of betrayal. Perel explores whether a relationship that started in deception can develop into an honest partnership.
This summary was generated from show notes and public descriptions, not from a full transcript review. Details may contain inaccuracies.
Canon
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Perel: the central paradox of long-term relationships is that we want both passion (excitement, novelty, unpredictability) and stability (safety, reliability, predictability). These needs pull in opposite directions, and neither can be fully satisfied without sacrificing the other.
Highlights
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Relationships born in affairs carry the original sin of deception — trust must be built from scratch
Perel: when a relationship begins as an affair, both partners carry a specific fear: 'if they left someone for me, will they leave me for someone else?' The relationship begins with evidence that the partner is capable of deception and betrayal — which creates a permanent undertow of distrust.Was this useful?