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Where Should We Begin? · June 3, 2024 · 56m
Trapped In Their Own Story
A couple who have been telling the same story about their relationship for years — she's the 'pursuer,' he's the 'withdrawer.' Perel shows how the story itself has become the prison: as long as they keep performing their roles, nothing can change.
This summary was generated from show notes and public descriptions, not from a full transcript review. Details may contain inaccuracies.
Highlights
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Relational roles become prisons when they become identities rather than behaviors
Perel: she is 'the emotional one' and he is 'the rational one.' These started as descriptions of behavior but became fixed identities. Now neither can show the other side — she can't be calm without him panicking about what's wrong, and he can't be emotional without her feeling destabilized.•
Changing the story requires changing the behavior first — new actions create new narratives
Perel: this couple is waiting for the story to change so they can act differently. But Perel argues the reverse: act differently, and the story will change. The pursuer must step back; the withdrawer must step forward. New behavior generates new narratives.Was this useful?