The Self-Abandonment Loop: Shame, Self-Criticism, and How to Break Free

Forrest Hanson explains the self-abandonment loop: how shame drives a cycle of inaction and self-criticism that makes it hard to do what you actually want. He and Dr. Rick Hanson explore the inner critic’s double-bind, where any move feels wrong, and map out strategies to break free. Key interventions include moving from shame to grief, harnessing anger as fuel, and most importantly, getting on your own side through self-compassion. The conversation draws on a parts model (similar to Internal Family Systems) to understand the conflict. Ultimately, they argue that the path out of self-abandonment is not self-discipline but self-allyship.