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Where Should We Begin? · October 6, 2025 · 50m
I Want to Feel Wanted
A couple where she craves desire — not just love, but active wanting. He loves her deeply but expresses it through routine and reliability. Perel explores the difference between love (feeling safe) and desire (feeling wanted) — and why both are necessary.
This summary was generated from show notes and public descriptions, not from a full transcript review. Details may contain inaccuracies.
Canon
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Perel: love and desire operate through different psychological mechanisms. Love is fueled by familiarity, safety, and predictability. Desire is fueled by novelty, mystery, and the gap between self and other. A relationship can have abundant love and zero desire.
Highlights
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Domestic routine is the enemy of desire — deliberate disruption is required to maintain wanting
Perel: desire cannot survive on autopilot. The routines that make domestic life efficient (shared calendars, predictable schedules, division of labor) make desire impossible because desire requires the unexpected. Maintaining desire in long-term relationships requires deliberate disruption of routine.Was this useful?