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Where Should We Begin? · June 23, 2025 · 48m
Esther Calling — Esther Says 'Run!'
A rare moment: Esther Perel, who usually avoids prescriptive advice, tells a caller to leave her relationship. The caller describes a partner who controls, isolates, and manipulates. Perel identifies coercive control and names it directly.
This summary was generated from show notes and public descriptions, not from a full transcript review. Details may contain inaccuracies.
Highlights
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Coercive control is invisible to the person inside it — external perspective is essential
Perel: coercive control (systematic pattern of domination through isolation, monitoring, and emotional manipulation) is designed to be invisible to the victim. The controller gradually normalizes their behavior until the victim loses the ability to recognize it as abnormal. External perspective is often the only way to see it.•
Love and control are not the same — jealousy and possessiveness are not signs of deep love
Perel: the caller frames her partner's controlling behavior as evidence of deep love ('he's just so afraid of losing me'). Perel dismantles this: love seeks the other's freedom and growth; control seeks the other's dependency and limitation. They are opposite forces, not variations of the same thing.Was this useful?