314. Rethinks: Turn Tension Into Trust

Sheila Heen, Harvard Law School lecturer and co-author of Difficult Conversations, joins Matt Abrahams to discuss effective communication in high-stakes situations. She explains that difficult conversations begin with an honest self-examination, because our internal narratives often derail attempts at negotiation and conflict resolution. Heen introduces her ACE framework for giving and receiving feedback—Appreciation, Coaching, and Evaluation—and describes the 'degrees of difficulty' in disagreements. She emphasizes replacing blame with genuine curiosity to turn conflict into collaboration. The episode includes practical strategies for asking what type of feedback someone actually wants before responding.