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The Mel Robbins Podcast · August 27, 2026 · 01:09:57

Stop Wasting Your Energy: How to Deal With People Who Won’t Change & What to Do Instead

Mel Robbins sits down with behavioral scientist Dr. Dolly Chugh to explore why people resist change and what truly works to influence behavior. Drawing on research from social psychology, Dr. Chugh presents practical tools for navigating difficult relationships without exhausting yourself. The conversation covers the three most effective strategies for helping someone change, a simple question to ask before giving advice, and a four-option clarifying question to understand what someone needs. Listeners also learn about the "brain bodyguards" that sabotage our own change efforts and the critical role of unlearning. This episode offers a lighter, more hopeful approach to dealing with people who won't change.

This summary was generated from show notes and public descriptions, not from a full transcript review. Details may contain inaccuracies.

Highlights

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Three Strategies for Helping Someone Change
Dr. Chugh outlines three specific strategies that are effective when a loved one resists change.
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The Pre-Advice Question
Dr. Chugh introduces a simple question you should ask before offering advice to someone, to ensure it doesn't backfire.
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The Four-Option Clarifying Question
Dr. Chugh shares a question that presents four options, helping you understand what someone truly needs from you in a difficult moment.
•
The Two Brain Bodyguards Against Change
Dr. Chugh identifies two psychological mechanisms that act as bodyguards, explaining why you know better but still don't do better.
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The Enabling Help Trap
Dr. Chugh explains how to recognize when your efforts to help are actually enabling the person to remain stuck in their behavior.

References

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The Person You Mean to Be — Dolly Chugh (2018) — Relevant to the discussion on behavioral change
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A More Just Future — Dolly Chugh (2022) — Related to the psychology of bias and behavior
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