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Psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb on what she's learned from thousands of hours of therapy about romantic relationships. The biggest mistake: people optimize for the wrong traits. Chemistry fades; character doesn't.
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Canon
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Gottlieb: the vast majority of therapy, regardless of presenting problem, eventually becomes about relationships. Even depression, anxiety, and career issues trace back to relational patterns — how you learned to connect (or not) in childhood.
Highlights
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We optimize for chemistry instead of character — and it fails us
Gottlieb: most people choose partners based on initial attraction and excitement. But research shows that long-term relationship satisfaction depends on character traits — emotional maturity, communication skills, shared values — not chemistry.References
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Maybe You Should Talk to Someone — Lori Gottlieb (2019) — Therapy from both sides of the couch
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