The Liking Gap
Research by Erica Boothby, Gus Cooney, et al. (2014, 2018) · Boothby, E. J., et al. (2014). "The Liking Gap in Conversations: Do People Like Us More Than We Think?" Psychological Science. (2014)
The liking gap is a robust psychological phenomenon in which people systematically underestimate how much their conversation partners like them and enjoy their company. It arises after short interactions and persists for months, driven by self-critical inner monologues that others are not privy to.
Core Concepts
The Problem
After conversations, individuals tend to ruminate over their own perceived flaws and assume the other person had a more negative impression than they actually did.
The Claim
After interacting with a new person, both parties are likely to like each other more than they think, but they fail to communicate this liking, leading to a persistent gap in perceived mutual affinity.
Key Evidence
- •Laboratory studies where strangers conversed and then rated their own and their partner's liking and enjoyment.
- •Longitudinal studies showing the gap remains stable across weeks.
- •Replication across different age groups and settings.
Practical Implication
Being aware of the liking gap can reduce social anxiety and encourage people to be more proactive in building relationships, knowing that others likely view them more positively than they think.
Nuance & Limits
The gap is not about false reassurance; it's about a cognitive bias where people focus on their own internal critique while missing signals of warmth from the other person.
Source Material
Videos
Erica Boothby explains the liking gap and its implications for social connection.
Citation Density
50+ citations in academic literature
Gaps
- ⚠ Does the liking gap differ for people with social anxiety disorder?
- ⚠ How does the gap manifest in digital communication (text, video calls)?
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